Having expectations can be quite disappointing, especially with matters of the heart. I think we all have expectations, but often times they rely on someone else and that leaves us open to disappointment and heartache.
Expectations can be useful but there are many times when what we expect doesn't happen. It can be something as simple as biting into the rosy red delicious apple to only find that it's mealy and sour. Or opening the perfect gift to find that it wasn't what you thought it would be. These expectations can be easily corrected. You can try another apple ...or open the next gift and find the very thing you had always wanted.
But when we have expectations of the heart things can get much more difficult. Often times we can't change the outcome as easily. Sometimes the disappointment is scarring.
Expectations of the heart can come in so many ways. We really had our heart set on a baby boy, but we now have a beautiful girl. We may have felt that little pang of disappointment but our heart quickly recovers. But what happens to our hearts when our expectations in love are repeatedly not what we had hoped for....what we had expected?
In marriage we have to compromise...a lot. But sometimes we have expectations of our spouse that they just can't make. So do we change our wants or needs? Sometimes our expectations are simple...but often times they can be seen as demanding and selfish. We all deserve to be treated respectfully. We deserve to be loved and treated with compassion and kindness. But often times our needs aren't met. We are disrespected with words or actions. There's no empathy for what we are feeling. We are met with unkindness.
I had a lot of expectations in my marriage. Some were reasonable. They could be easily met but as I look back and evaluate where things went "wrong" I am realizing that I had some expectations that my ex husband could/would never meet.
Some of those expectations I needed to meet myself. The unfortunate thing is that when we rely on others meet our needs we can often be left feeling unsatisfied, disappointed and sometimes even unloved.
Our internal happiness is something that we have to meet on our own. We have to nurture our souls...our own hearts.
I often felt unappreciated and even unloved in my marriage. Now some may say that those are harsh words. I know that on some level I was appreciated...and loved. But not to the degree that my soul...my inner spirit needed. I could blame my exhusband but the truth is I don't know that he was not only incapable but that my expectations were unmeet-able (is that even a word?)
The point here is that I had all these expectations and when he wasn't able to meet them I was hurt and eventually became bitter. I was angry with him, but i let myself down. I was the one to blame. Slowly I began to turn my back on who I truly was.....by becoming someone I didn't like .....someone who was all the things That made me scowl.
Expectations can be dangerous. In ways that you never realize. I think we all have expectations ....especially of others. We put so much pressure on others to make us happy....to fulfill needs that we have.... To fill holes in our lives...in our souls. When the truth is we ourselves have to fill those spaces. We have to take our power back ...taking control of our own happiness is part of our divine purpose.
We must be willing to accept that not every one will meet our expectations. That when we put more on others than we do on ourselves we will always walk away feeling broken and slighted.
We must trust in others that they will do their very best. That they will do what they are capable of doing and if it's not enough we must trust ourselves enough to know that we can make up the difference.